Have you ever woken up and thought "why should I bother getting up?"
Everyone has thought that from time to time. What's the point? Lately I've been asking myself this at few times.
I'm just looking forward to about mid March. So much going on right now. University films, essays, classes and visual diaries... Freelance work, charity work, private projects, social life and fitness.
My head is so full at the moment. I know that there is no one but myself to "blame" for most of it. The thing that really has pissed me off this week is my teacher that teaches us in use of editing software. In each module we do we have to make a visual diary, a diary where we put in our inspiration, research, mind maps, sketches, notes etc. It's supposed to reflect you as a person and your personal development. Which I love, I really genuinely like the idea of it and feel that it actually is helping me develop. But when he practically "dictates" me what to write and I calmly say this is not helping me in any remote way what so ever, it gets to me. And when he is wasting my time with absolutely nothing but empty words, I'm left standing there thinking ; Why am I listening to you?
I have a great philosophy teacher that told us:
"If you don't want to do something, why are you doing it? Is it expectations? Because society said so? Why?"
And he's right. I've had to ask myself lately; why do I do this?
- I want to be active
- I want to have a good job in the future, so to get there I have to fight. I have to fill my CV to the brim, which is exactly what I'm doing and have been trying to do for the past years.
What is a good job to me? To me a good job is a job where I'm enjoying myself (not in a perv way), working with others I like, decent pay and varied. Those are the key factors to me. I want to look forward to going to work, to get up in the morning and feel the energy flow over me. I want to work with other that I can learn from, get inspired from and vice versa. I would like to live comfortable. Not talking a villa and four cars, but enough to sustain a life and being able to live life without being hold back. I'm terrified of a "A4 average Joe" life where I get up at 07:15 and finish work at 16:45 every fay, Monday to Friday. At least if the other key factors aren't there.
So does the means justify the end? Does the use of energy and time on something I do not in any way see the use for justify for my goal? Does it?
A comedian I saw on You Tube once said:
-
Don't you want to live be a hundred?
- No not if I can't eat tacos.... and as many as I want. You know a lot of people just because you work out, lift weights and you eat right and you do what people tell you to do, that you'll live a long life. Maybe you will.... but you know; why do people measure life by the years instead of how good those years were?
What good is it that you stayed in the house and you were safe.....?
- Gabriel Iglesias
So I'm trying to live my life to the full, but in the process I'm loosing one thing; me. I'm loosing me. Often people forget what they really want and stop asking themselves this because they only listen to the voices around them. Of course we all have the funny dreams of becoming a astronaut and get some well put advice from dear parents saying Sweetie don't know if that's what you should be doing. People say to me you need to prioritize, that I need to choose. Believe me, I'm trying and yes I need to. But I've got the "Laugerud-curse", which is to get involved. My mum, bless her, will carry on volunteering, working and taking on projects even to the point where it almost breaks her. That is both me and my mums best and worst quality.
I've been working on a regular basis (more or less) since I was 14 1/2. I remember feeling so proud when I got my own pay check that young (young yeah cause I'm so old now, hehe). 62,50 NOK an hour, I thought I could by the world and everything in it. When I got my own money and didn't have to rely only on pocket money, I felt a tiny bit independent. It was a time where I didn't work so much, because it was less shifts. I felt so restless. I was practically jumping up and down with energy.
When somebody I knew got jobs that involved nothing but for example looking at a screen and occasionally answer the phone for 7 hours on the weekend. I would have gone bonkers and beyond. I can't sit still doing absolutely nothing. I need to move. I need to stay active.
So what really drains me of energy is the fact when people, in this case my teacher (but sometimes I manage it perfectly fine on my own...), expect me and others to waste our time on tasks that give us absolutely nothing.
In math class, ages ago think it might have been around year 8., I had an issue with my teacher. It was one type equation I did in my head that would have taken time writing down, so I didn’t bother. When the teacher marked it as an error in my book I asked why and I was told it was because I didn’t show how I got that answer. I told him that I don’t write it down cause I do in my head. He argued that's how is he to sees that I’ve done and understood this. I showed him equations I’d done earlier, but he said he needed me to do it for each one. Then I replied “Well it shouldn't affect me that you’re not smart enough to figure out the equation yourself and need me to do it for you.” Naturally I was told off for it, haha. But my point to that story is why should I do it if I understand it? And he used the "because I say so" answer...
But if I needed to cut anything in my life, what would it be? Algebra! That's some waste of "brain-storage" if you ask me.
But to finish it off with the question I posed at the beginning:
Why should I bother getting up?
Because I love staying active. Because I love working behind the camera. Because I love giving back some joy to kids. Because I love my friends and family to the very end of my fingertips. Because of running on the beach on a sunny Sunday. Because I love looking at life from all different angles.
Why are you doing this?
Why do I put up with my teacher? Well I want a good future and that means that you sometimes have to do stuff you think are boring, my mum thought me that, which I deep down somewhere do believe. BUT that doesn't mean you should be forced to do something you don't believe in. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I've got the power and need to act if there's something I'm not happy about. So I will try my best to talk to the teacher in an orderly manor and explain why I think it's an absolute waste of time what he's asking of us.
Anyhoodle, here's todays song. John Mayer, an American artist, has a great voice and some amazing lyrics in his songs. So without any further ado...
Today's song: John Mayer - Waiting on the world to change
